My wife and I attempted to have children for 12 long years, unsuccessfully. We visited some of the best clinics available. We endured the shots, poking and prodding associated with infertility diagnosis. We worked through it right up until the doctors wanted to get more specific as to who was the cause.
That's where we ended our quest. My wife and I did not want to know who was creating the issue. Not for selfish purposes. We just did not want the other to be burdened with the fact that they were the reason for our not being able to bear children.
At that point, and after much soul searching, we decided to adopt and were blessed with two boys who are now fine young men. This is where I differ with one of the points in Bobbi Jo's piece, and provided this information for the benefit of those who read her piece.
In the piece, Bobbi Jo stated in one of her bullet points, "Don’t tell me that if I haven’t had kids, it must be God’s will, or that there’s a reason for everything. It is not about God’s will, it is a physical/medical condition. It might make you feel better to say that, but it doesn’t help me." That's where I differ. I believe that all things happen for a reason, and that God is always in control. Providence brought us to adoption. I will always feel that it was God's will. A father and mother now had children, and two male babies, brothers of the same biological mother, had a mother and father.
This has made me realize that there is more to being a parent than jumping in the backseat of a car and impregnating, or being impregnated. That's the easy part. The hard part, the part that is most important, is taking that child and molding it into a proper member of society; Loving, feeding, clothing, providing shelter, nurture and admonition; that is the role of a mother and father.
Just remember this, no child asks to be created. All they ask is that they be taken care of once they are born.
“For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me.” Matthew 25:35-36 NASB
I appreciate you sharing my piece with your readers! I would agree with you as to the "God's plan" part. For me personally, I believe God has a plan for everyone. However I was sharing the POV of one of the women who offered me suggestions of things they wanted others to know about people dealing with infertility. I believe adoption is a wonderful choice that blesses the child and the parents, and think it's wonderful that you were able to have that experience.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments, Bobbi!
ReplyDeleteI am the very proud mother of those two wonderful sons that Bill wrote about. They are truly a blessing from God. However, it was such a difficult experience to go through...one that I don't wish upon anyone. Unfortunately, it happens and when it does, the infertile couple can't seem to embrace the concept that it is God's plan. They just want a baby and can't understand why it isn't happening. It was only after going through the long and grueling experience, surrendering to God and stop trying to "fix" it on our own and then finally receiving that most precious gift from God, did we understand God's plan for us. It was a heart wrenching experience, but one that was so worth it!
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